ʙᴏᴅʜɪ "ᴛᴏᴏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ" ʀᴏᴏᴋ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onlydoubts) wrote2017-02-14 09:34 pm
onlydoubts) wrote2017-02-14 09:34 pm
Entry tags:
open rp post
OPEN RP POST
1. comment with a prompt or starter
2. profit
OPEN RP POST
OPEN RP POST
OPEN RP POST
no subject
But he's starting to think that maybe he'd made a mistake, and Cassian could get some rest, better without him here. Reaching out to his team, his friends is still something he struggled with a great deal, as he wasn't used to it - he didn't tell them about the nightmares and difficulty sleeping.
Cassian surprises him when he agrees and gets up to sit next to Bodhi on the bed and not only that, lies down next to him. Now it's his turn to raise his brows, and stare blankly for a moment. "Oh. Alright." Only a moment, before he's shifting to better lay down next to him. When he's situated and comfortable, he throws the blankets over Cassian.
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The hold was light. Not meant to restrain. If Bodhi wanted to move away, it wouldn't take any struggle. But Cassian's arm isn't entirely slack; exerting just enough pressure to communicate, try to give, support. Comfort. His hand rests lightly near Bodhi's chest.
Cassian's voice is quiet, vibrating through the pillow to the back of Bodhi's head. "Still all right?"
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"Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright." He blinks, the warmth and comfort much needed and welcome. "Thanks," He gets out, around a barely suppressed yawn, "For letting me stay. Are you alright?"
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"I'm good," he murmured. His breath now warmly stirring the hair on the back of Bodhi's neck, as Cassian, who'd still been holding back in case this had been met badly, now let himself sink fully into the bed and the other man. "Very comfortable. Glad you trust me. Would have understood if not… probably still less awkward than some times with people who liked each other less but had to be naked."
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But he can't say he's disappointed with the result. Late at night with only his doubts and second guesses, he would wonder if the others were just putting up with him because they had to. A line of thinking he's come to reject, but it still sometimes crept up -- now it's hard to give that thought much weight.
"I trust you." He mutters, turning his head back slightly to reiterate the point -- but he can't quite look all the way back without dislodging him and changing his mostly comfortable position, so he's looking back quickly. "Ha. I think we're good here, clothes on."
no subject
He stops himself from automatically going into pragmatic survival talk. It's only habit. Not his actual frame of mind.
He makes that point by sliding his cheek against Bodhi's as the other man had turned his head.
Setting a slow, deep rhythm for them both as he breathed.
"Any time you have trouble sleeping," said Cassian quietly. "I always do."
no subject
But the other things, the light touch of his cheek, stubble of his facial hair against his skin and own hair - and the light pattern of his breath that he finds himself instinctively following... are what Bodhi finds himself focusing on.
"I didn't know that, but... my door is open to you too, Cassian."
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Cassian's breathing—gently tidal against Bodhi's back, counterbalancing the soft press of hands in front and arms around—has evened, deepened, slowed so much, he definitely seems to have dropped off to sleep.
…Though if he were talking in his sleep, it probably wouldn't be to belatedly murmur, "Reveille's gonna go off at oh-five-hundred. Sorry. You don't have to get up when it does."
[ooc: I can give Cas a nightmare in a bit to mix things up if you like ;-) ]
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A small sleepy smile crosses his face as he feels Cassian begin to fall asleep against him, and Bodhi finds himself looking back carefully as not to disturb the other man before settling back against the pillows. So utterly warm, and content.
Who'd have guessed that his asking for help would've been so beneficial to them both?
His hands come to rest on the other man's own as his own breathing evens out further and he's finally able to close his eyes and keep them that way for the first time all night.
"G'night, Cass..."
no subject
It wasn't reveille that disturbed their rest. It wasn't yet 0500.
It was a sudden spasm that seemed to pass through Cassian's whole body. With it came some inhuman sound from the back of his throat, and his arms tightening hard around Bodhi.
Then—still asleep? waking himself and horrified at so nearly hurting Bodhi…?—Cassian's arms abruptly withdrawing, and him turning over abruptly to put his face against the wall. Still shaking.
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It's Cassian's room.
Blinking sleep from his eyes, sits up and finds the other man on his side, shaking. Concerned, he reaches out to pull him back to the present -- hesitating only briefly before laying his hand on his shoulder. "Cassian? Cassian, it's okay.. You're okay." He coaxed. "Can you look at me?"
AGES LATER
he was fighting so hard, as hard as he could, more than was possible, and it wasn't that he might die if he stopped, what was terrifying was sensing he'd be unable to stop
but he had to save them, had to get to them
they'd gone through so much it would not end like this
his limbs weren't his own, he wasn't doing it, the universe was just thrashing against him and his hands struck it viciously back and again
the enemies seen and unseen battering and blazing before around beneath him
felt his blade push through flesh
his blaster puncture muscle
his bare fists shatter armor, bone
it felt like a speeder he was trapped inside unable to take control
himself, fighting
and suddenly he was standing there
in a circle of bodies
he'd killed all of them
stormtrooper helmets all cracked down the eye
from blade blaster or punch
they fell open like shells
and their faces were all of them
draven mothma
maddel shara bail
his recruits
his troops
rogue one
bodhi
kaytoo
jyn
with one eye gone glassy
and blood in their mouths
the other eye nothing but a blaster hole
He tried to answer Bodhi, but he was hyperventilating.
Cassian dug one hand into his hair, gripping tight enough to hurt, trying to use the feeling to pull himself back to now. Tried also to focus on the pressure of Bodhi's hand. Channel his breathing through that connected energy.
\o/
He keeps his hand where it is, trying to anchor Cassian back to the present, to now, body angled to lay against him -- not enough to crowd, but enough that he'd be able to feel his breathing -- or could push him away, if he so chose to.
"Breathe, Cassian. It's not real. It was a nightmare.... you're safe."
Safe is relative, but he would stay here, as long as he was wanted.
And MOOOOORE ages later!!! /sobs/
He's utter crap at taking care of himself. …For himself. For a mission he can keep it together. Ridiculously well for ridiculously long. On his own…
…but he's not on his own.
With Bodhi's warmth, his touch, his patience, his reminder, Cassian tries to talk himself down as if he were someone else.
Move it down. Don't have to slow the breathing. Just move it down. Chest to stomach. …Okay. Good.
Now listen to mine. Try to match it.
That bit wouldn't…
Without quite thinking, eyes still closed, Cassian's hand moved… crossing over himself in a way that turned him, almost to face Bodhi, and, actually fumbling, but gently, always, found Bodhi's chest, and spread to press his palm there.
Alive. It's okay. He's alive.
And there's a rhythm. Heart, lungs. Follow them.
With a will, Cassian's breathing started to deepen and slow. His head bent forward, face averted, almost into Bodhi's shoulder.
no subject
So he waits, and when his hand presses against his chest, Bodhi gently places his own over it. Right here, Cassian.
It seemed to work, his breathing began to sound less erratic and shallow to him.
"... Cassian? You with me?"
[a gazillion years later, if still interested - invitation without expectation <3 ]
"Are we on Hoth?" he murmured, through a mouth suddenly dry. "If yes… yes. If not…"