onlydoubts | open rp post

It would hit him, once in a while. Usually when Bodhi was out and Poe had to face an hour or so alone with no distractions. His mind would go to dark places and the nightmares that so often frequented his sleep would slip into the daylight. But he never, ever, let Bodhi see that. He was determined to be firm as bedrock, for the other man. Nothing but supportive.

Other than those fleeting moments, he pushed it from his mind the same way he had pushed the Hosnian system from his mind, while at the battle over Starkiller. The same way he pushed the screams of his squadmates from his mind. It wasn't healthy, but he dealt with it.

If he hadn't had Bodhi...

Who knew what he would have ended up doing to himself. Getting himself killed doing something fucking stupid, was the most likely. But Bodhi gave him something to protect. Something to hang on to.

Something that had been growing deeper with each passing day, even as he refused to think about it or speak about it.

It was the fingers in his hair, that slowly drew him to consciousness - breathing in deeply as his eyes slowly opened, a lazy smile coming to his lips as he caught Bodhi watching him. He shifted, pulling himself up a little closer, the arm around Bodhi's waist just squeezing a little tighter.

"... Hey. Get some sleep?"

He still worried about Poe. But it wasn't something they talked about. Just like Bodhi didn't like to talk about his own nightmares, he understood. If he knew that he kept the other man grounded - that was fine enough by him. Given that dying now meant dying permanently.

Thankfully, this time Bodhi hadn't started to fall apart or die slowly a second time, so.

He smiled, nodded but didn't remove his hand as Poe woke up. "Yeah. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. You could go back to sleep, if you want."

"I'm alright," he murmured, still smiling lazily even as he nuzzled a little closer, his half-awake state lending itself to his shameless affectionate tendencies. He pressed his face into Bodhi's neck, wiggling his nose slightly as he closed his eyes. Seemingly content.

"You just looked really comfortable so I couldn't help join you." He took a deep breath, still pressed close. "If you're up, I'm up."

"Mmm. I'm up, but I'm not planning on moving from this spot." Not with Poe nuzzled against him, comfortably. Warm and reassuring. It was ... easy to forget that they were the last ones left, here, like this.

And of all the people he'd met from their own world, Poe had always been his favorite. Someone he'd come to like instantly, and respect and admire easily. While he knew the other man was probably missing so much - Bodhi couldn't help but be glad that he was still here.

(If he was alone, he's not sure what he'd do).

"At least we're not on the floor this time."

"Well I'm not going to complain about that," he murmured, his breath warm on the back of Bodhi's throat, his arms pulling a little tighter around the man's waist, hugging him from behind.

It had stopped mattering a while ago. What was missing. It just wasn't important, to actually continuing on. To living. Wasn't as important as this was.

When they'd first arrived, it hadn't been the same. If something had happened to Poe here, he would have woke up back home. Bodhi had nothing to go back to.

Now?

Now the Porter was gone, and there was no going back. For either of them.

There was only this.

None of this was on Poe's mind at the moment, however. He was just smiling sleepily against Bodhi's skin, curled in against him. "Hey, you're the one who keeps deciding to take naps on the floor. I gave up trying to carry you anywhere else."

"Good." Good, he didn't want to get up, or lose the solid weight of the man who'd come to mean more to him than he'd ever thought - here, Bodhi wasn't thinking about all the people they'd lost over the last few years (due in part because he wasn't sitting there, staring at an empty room or bed), ones they'd never see again. But mostly, it was the feeling of being warm and comfortable and, well... safe.

"Sorry." He grins, a little sheepishly, glancing over at Poe with a small shrug. "Kind of an old habit, just falling asleep anywhere."

"Pretty sure all pilots learn it," he agreed in a low mumble. But he was slowly starting to wake up so he pulled back a little, just enough to actually see Bodhi's face.

His chest tightened, something sharp and pointed in his sternum. It wasn't a completely alien feeling, these days, but it still was surprising, especially since he so effectively pushed it out of his mind when it happened. This time, though, it slipped into his expression - the haziness broken by an intake of breath, a slightly furrowed brow, parted lips.

It was waking him up faster, at least. He swallowed.

"... Long as you're getting your sleep, I'm counting it as a win. ... You sleep okay?"

Code for: didn't have endless nightmares?

"Probably." Bodhi yawned, the yawn of someone waking up from a restful slumber, and shifted his body to arch his back and stretch a little without throwing Poe off of him - which is a maneuver in itself before settling back. One of his hands comes to rest atop Poe's back, just below the curl of hair over the nape of his neck, which he ran his thumb through.

He cleared his throat, a bit dry - all of a sudden. Breaking the eye contact, and ignoring the small rush of heat on his face.

"I did, yeah. Actually for more than a few hours, so - a win. You sleeping here with me... it helps." The nightmares seemed to be happening with less frequently than they had.

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