onlydoubts | open rp post

[He felt the smile, rather than see it, and it made his heart ache something sharp and sweet.

He'd assumed he'd fucked up, with Bodhi - assumed he'd misread four times over. Hadn't really understood if they were friends or if Bodhi wanted the 'with benefits' addition that so often had come with Poe's friendships before Finn. But this didn't feel like that. This felt like something else, and he hadn't realised how much he needed it until that very second.

When he finally came up for air, he rested his forehead against Bodhi's and let out a long, slow, breath.

There was something he still wanted to understand, though.]

You're you and I'm me, huh? [But his voice was soft.]

[ He liked Poe. Liked him, a lot. They were friends, and Bodhi was feeling more confident with the new addition to their relationship. With this. At least, Poe was not upset or angry.

He had given it thought, since that night - and this was the conclusion he reached. That he wanted this, with the other man, if he'd have it.

His face burned a little, at the comment he'd earlier used - not his best choice of phrasing. ]

Yeah, that. Um. I guess I'd never really expected, well. That. I didn't mean it to be so... negative sounding.

[He smiled, faint and almost sad, if it wasn't for the blooming warmth in his chest, spilling out to his fingers and toes. His forehead still resting against Bodhi's, he raised a hand to carefully brush a loose strand of hair from Bodhi's face.]

You were doing that self-deprecating thing again, weren't you.

[How Bodhi could think, even for a second, that he wasn't someone that Poe wanted--

That had never been true. Even while Finn was here, it would have been extremely hard to deny Bodhi anything he wanted. And Poe may not know exactly what was happening right now, but he knew that it felt right. Knew that Bodhi would always feel right.]

... I've never understood it. You've been nothing but incredible, to me. Every moment I'm with you, I'm glad to have known you. To get the opportunity to even have met you. It's one of the best things this place has given me.

[ If possible, he flushed a little further - thankful that it mostly dark out. ]

Yes. Sorry. I'll try to cool it on that from now on, but you know. [ Habit.

Poe had been an important part of his life, while here. In a way Bodhi hadn't imagined, when they met at the first swear in, as a result of an enemy. And while it's true, he'd never imagined - his small crush on Poe burned into something fierce when he'd kissed him. Bodhi was happy. Truly happy. In a way he hasn't been since arriving here.

He felt a little giddy. ]

I feel the same too, you know? Meeting you has been one of the best things to happen to me.

[ Just in general. Bodhi hasn't known much in the way of happiness - his short life was spent under the Imperial flag lording over him, and then he'd gone to serve them. There was never much time to build a relationship. Here, there is freedom to live his life and to fall in love, for the first time.

It's damned dangerous, this. When one or both could be ported out at any moment, but - it's worth it. ]

Edited 2018-05-12 04:05 (UTC)

[He lets out a breath, finger tips grazing across the side of Bodhi's face before resting against his jaw. It makes his chest feel so tight and warm that it almost hurts, because he knows that Bodhi is telling the truth.

He knows that he is, and he can't help feeling guilty for having missed it, until now.

Had Bodhi just not said anything, because of Finn...?

He pushed that thought away as hard as he could, but it still lingered there at the edge of his mind, like a candle flickering in the dark. Reminding him, once again, that nothing was permanent and nothing lasted.

But unlike Finn, there was no home waiting for Bodhi, beyond here. This was it. This was it, and Poe had almost missed it--

He didn't trust himself to say anything else, so instead he leaned in, crossing those few short inches again, pressing his lips to Bodhi's with a slow, even intensity - a kiss that was far more intent than the last one had been. The last had been a response to a surprise -

This one was a lot closer to a declaration.]

[ Bodhi had had feelings for Poe. He'd always let them remain dormant, but they'd been there, since even before the haunted house, even. It'd been a small crush that had grown slightly into something stronger as time went by, but when Poe and Finn got together - even with his own feelings he'd found it hard to feel jealous, and settled for being happy for them. Because... he was. They were happy with one another, he liked Finn...

And he valued the friendship, either way and had no desire to cause any upsets with either one of them. But he only had this here, now. And since Poe was showing interest, he wasn't gonna turn it down.

If he went home tomorrow, he'd go home happy and satisfied, knowing he was loved and wanted by Poe. It's more than he could have said before this. It's Poe he worries about were he to disappear, even now. Because he doesn't want to be one more person he loses just after a few short months of happiness. It's inevitable that they both will go home sooner or later, but ... in the meantime...

They have this. Poe's mouth, warm on his own, kissing him in a way that got the message across. Bodhi deepens the kiss, bringing his hand to the back of his neck again, pulling himself flush against the other man. ]

[It was, frankly, intoxicating, being able to kiss Bodhi like this. The mountain of feelings he had for the man shifting a sliding into a new shape, but just as solid. He'd managed to compartmentalise how he felt about Bodhi - explained away his feelings as deep but ultimately platonic.

The fact that he would do anything for Bodhi had been true for a long time, to the point where he'd never think twice about it. He was devoted, and had been, almost from the start. He'd taken up a similar spot to where Leia had, in his heart: someone who's judgement, who's heart, he could trust above his own. Trust to do the right thing.

But it made his heartbeat stutter, the way Bodhi's body drew up against him, made his heart burn furiously hot inside his chest, warmth spreading to his fingertips.

He'd always loved him. Always wanted to give him everything. And the surging realization that he had something that could make Bodhi happy - that could, in turn, make him happy too...

He couldn't help it. He chuckled, deep and low and fond against Bodhi's mouth as he took the man's cue and deepened the kiss, wrapping an arm around the man's back and pulling him close.

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